Karey is asleep in her bouncer, in only a diaper because she's pooped through two outfits already and I'm over it. I'm munching on a kale (yes, kale) popsicle at our kitchen table, looking through these photos from the last month and trying to figure out this new way that time works now that I have a kid. She is two and a half months old, but it feels like an eternity since she was born. Heck, since some of these pictures were taken.
I'm not going to ramble on about life being hard, or challenging, because who cares? Life is always hard and challenging. Instead, somehow, I'm feeling bizzarely grateful for the way having a tiny baby around has thrown us for a loop. Everything is more difficult, from getting ready in the morning to a simple trip to the grocery store, but she makes it all so much more fun. A poop explosion at Target is a little terrifying in the moment, true, but also makes what could have been a boring trip for packaged chicken breasts into a memorable adventure. An afternoon at the coffee shop where she sleeps through a coffee and a refill is a major victory. Getting to church on time and actually staying for the whole service? Someone hand me a trophy.
I've never worked so hard, and it feels good. I'm proud of myself for learning on the fly, for figuring out how to wash dishes one dish at a time as I race back to pop the pacifier in her crying mouth. For learning how to make it work with a baby, all of it - running my business, keeping our marriage fun and healthy, exercising, finding time to read. And it's all from God, because goodness knows I would not be able to figure it out on my own.
Not all days flow smoothly, of course (in fact, quite often they don't) but I feel like I'm learning how to do this thing. And that gummy, squinty-eyed smile she gives me (and, let's be honest, the ceiling fan) makes it so, so worth it.