Since I only started my business in September, this winter was my first real slow season. I forged into it with a lot of grit and determination and plans to grow no matter what. It actually went pretty well, for the most part. I stayed busy with personal projects and some fun client shoots and getting to know my awesome 2016 couples.
But the last stretch hit me hard. I felt discouraged and inadequate and I questioned everything from the way I run my business to how I edit. All while my inbox stayed empty...except for fellow photographers emailing for advice.
I was flattered when people first started emailing me for help, and also a little baffled as to why anyone would ask me of all people. But now I was just plain annoyed. Not at the lovely people reaching out for advice, but at the irony of it all, of people asking how to run a business when I was sitting there in PJs staring at a blank calendar.
And then I found myself reading in Luke one morning, the story of the widow giving all she had, completely emptying herself before God.
"I tell you the truth," Jesus said, "this poor widow has put in more than all the others. All these people gave their gifts out of their wealth; but she out of her poverty put in all she had..." Luke 21:3-4
I felt like God was asking me to give even when it seemed like I didn't have anything to give.
I spent two full days, morning to night, struggling to define my editing style, staring at the computer bleary-eyed while I tried one thing after another. After countless hours of working and way too much coffee, I finally felt like I had gotten somewhere. The very next morning someone emailed me asking about how I edit. I laughed out loud when I read it; God is not very subtle sometimes. He's wringing me out, asking me to pour myself out as soon as I've been filled, even if it's only a couple drops. I don't have much, but I can give what I have. And that's all God's asking of me.