There's something uniquely cozy about an early spring night, windows open, flowery candle burning, eyeshadow smudged across your face because you're actually sweating a little for the first time in months.
That's where I am right now. I've had a tough past couple of weeks, and after days of wallowing in it, I finally decided to bring it to the Lord instead of Netflix. And He's talking to me. Not at all about what I was worried about, mind you, but deeper root issues that weren't even in my consciousness.
He's telling me to get small. Love small. Serve small. Be small.
That's hard for me to grasp, this mustard seed stuff, because I am SO a big picture person. I've debated whether or not I should have children based on overpopulation, and the burden of bringing eternal souls into existence (and I still haven't decided whether or not to send said children to public school or where I stand on vaccinations, so, better get all that figured out before I get to procreating). I don't like giving money to homeless people off the street because what's a Subway sandwich going to do in the grand scheme of things? I have notebooks dedicated only to ministry ideas and strategies for when we're ready to change the world, and yet getting me to go a ministry meeting after church is nearly impossible. I can't be bothered with details, with chipping away slowly. I want to dynamite the friggin thing.
I get all googly eyed watching others do big, big things: opening orphanages in Africa, selling it all and living in a tiny airstream. I've been desperate for my own big, life changing act that says, "Look, God! See, I'm all in! Won't everyone think I'm so selfless and devout and also hip?!"
But big leaps of faith are not exactly on the radar right now, simply because we haven't sensed God calling us to anything major and life changing. But we sense Him calling us to a lot of teensy, small things, inconvenient things that sometimes make me huff and roll my eyes. Things that certainly don't seem to be changing the world.
The Kingdom is about showing up, God is telling me, to the places where He is moving. Loving people in the smallest of ways, ways that might not even get me recognition or a pat on the back. Instead of (for example) dreaming about changing an entire city with our grand ministry ideas (as outlined in my many notebooks) we could simply have some people over for dinner.
Dream big, but act small.