It's 10:44 on a foggy Monday after Christmas. I'm still in my pajamas and my husband's white V-neck, hair wiry and matted, glasses on. I have the apartment to myself for a couple of days, husband out of town, and my first thought was of all that I could get Done.
But the past month has been busy and stressful in ways I didn't quite expect (who would have thought that something as fun and artsy as photoshoots could get overwhelming?) But it did, for a bit, and that's okay. That's part of the flow. But, still, I need this dark, pajama-ed morning. Filling up my new golden mug while I push away my calendar and planner and just relax.
I had a bit of a drive last night for a photo shoot, an hour and a half away, and it gave me all this space to think that I didn't realize I'd been missing. I reflected on the past year, on teaching myself photography and opening a business. All of the tenacity and bravery and guts it took - going up to a stranger in Starbucks and asking if she would model for me, putting my work out there in the world, charging money for my art, driving to take pictures of total strangers, telling people that I'm a photographer, all of the times I said yes when I wasn't ready, shooting my first wedding without ever having been a second shooter or even assistant, learning to say no.
I took a minute, speeding down that highway last night, to give myself a pat on the back.
And then I heard God whisper.
"All of that bravery and stepping out in faith you did last year? That was training for bigger things - for all the risks and leaps of faith I want you to take spiritually. The people I want you to tell about me. The brave and crazy things I want you to do in my name."
Photography, much as I love it, has never really been about, well, photography for me. God has used it as a metaphor of sorts, from day one; an entryway into much bigger things. I don't have the full picture of what it will all mean, but I know that it's all ultimately about him, about the kingdom, about things so much bigger than me. It's kind of strange. I didn't expect God to teach me so much through photography, but he constantly does, from the first day I got an email from a stranger saying God told her to give me her old camera. (A story for perhaps another foggy winter morning.)
So I'm walking into January with that in mind - that all I'm learning and becoming is ultimately for eternity. And what better entryway into the things of the eternal than art?